Full Transcript: Adam Carolla's Occupy Wall Street Rant

December 2, 2011 by  

In 1971, author/philosopher Ayn Rand wrote of “the age of envy” and of the zero-worship mentality that, today, is prevalent among those in the Occupy Wall Street (formerly known as “Days of Rage”) movement:

“They do not want to own your fortune, they want you to lose it; they do not want to succeed, they want you to fail; they do not want to live, they want you to die; they desire nothing, they hate existence, and they keep running, each trying not to learn that the object of his hatred is himself . . . . They are the essence of evil, they, those anti-living objects who seek, by devouring the world, to fill the selfless zero of their soul. It is not your wealth that they’re after. Theirs is a conspiracy against the mind, which means: against life and man.” – Ayn Rand, “The Age of Envy”, in her book Return of the Primitive: The Anti-Industrial Revolution

To those who really want to understand that mentality, I recommend a full reading of Rand’s essay.

In the meantime: within the last 24 hours or so, funny man Adam Carolla has gotten a lot of ink over a rant in which he – in a relatively unpolished, expletive-filled, but passionate and moving way – expressed a similar summation about the Occupiers. I was unable to find a complete transcript of it on the web, so I have prepared one for you, below. The original audio appears in a youtube video that appears immediately below

[NOTE: There are mixed reports about when and where Carolla engaged in the rant. Slate reported that the rant was on Adam Carolla’s October 11, 2011 podcast, available on iTunes. Several mainstream news media didn’t bother to verify that claim, which is false. Other reports have claimed that the rant happened during an interview by the Media Research Centre (that claim was apparently made because the MRC recently posted the rant as a youtube video – a still of Carolla combined with audio of his rant). Forbes, the Wall Street Journal, Slate, etc. seem not to have done any fact checking…not that I’m surprised. However (you heard it hear first!): McKeever blog reader Jeremy has located the source: it’s the November 18, 2011 episode of the Adam Carolla show, and the rant starts at about the 41 min, 38 second point. Thanks Jeremy!]

Anyway, enjoy. And, for those who want to listen to more of Carolla’s show, it is available on iTunes in the podcast category, for free: just the right price for “ass douches”.


Adam Carolla: I just heard today that, in California – before the economy fell apart – I think it was the top 1% of taxpayers paid for 50% of the taxes that came in here, in California. That’s 1% paying for 50%. Not good enough? Not good enough?

I understand some people have more than others. That’s always gonna be there. Even…Y’know, we started off, this evening, talking about the auto show and about how the crazy competition just led to these crazy crazy cars. And I know, sometimes, it goes astray but, for the most part, it’s the best system we have. And, trying to get the top 1% to pay for the top…bottom 55% – or to pay-in 55% – that’s not the angle that’s used. The angle’s: worrying about what the fuck the other 50% are doing, not what the top – who is already paying *way* more than their fair share – is doing.

There’s something that’s come up in this country, that didn’t used to exist, which is: envy. And it’s a big issue. And it *was* understood, back in the day, and we are empowering…we now are now dealing with the first wave of participation trophy – “my own fecal matter doesn’t stink”, “empowered”, “I feel so fucking good about myself”, “everybody’s a winner, there’s no losers” – we’re dealing with the first wave of those fucking assholes. That’s who we’re dealing with now. ‘Cause this has been going on for about 25 years, and we’re just starting to get – maybe 20 years – and those kids were 8 or 9 years old, and we’re getting the first…

Alison Rosen: Is that the “millennials”. I think that’s the name to be used…

Carolla: I call them the ass douches.

Rosen: Colloquially, they’re known as the ass douches?

Carolla: No, I *saw* that on…on the news.

Rosen: Oh, okay. I stand corrected.

Carolla (joking): Yeah, Brian Williams called them the ass douches.

Rosen: [unintelligible]

Carolla: [unintelligible]

Carolla: So what we have – I haven’t really broken this down but I’m going to try now – we created a bunch of fuckin’ self-entitled monsters. And this has become the pursuit of my life, where people are so far out of it, and what they expect, and what they think’realistic’ is, and what…the set of rules that pertains to them versus the other guys, cause *that’s* what the bottom line is.

“*I* want my most valuable player trophy.”

“Well, you’re the slowest, fattest guy on the team.”

“Why should he get one and I don’t get one?”

“Cause he busts his ass and runs a 4.4 forty. That’s why he gets one.”

“Well, this is bullshit.”

And then everyone gets involved and then everyone gives everyone a participation trophy, and then everyone feels good about themselves. But not *based* on anything. You should feel good about yourself *because* of your *accomplishments*. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself and you got a fuckin’ fake piece of plastic that was sprayed gold and had your name on a plaque at the bottom of it. And, when these folks become adults, and enter the work force, and we – they’ve done stories about this. How you can’t treat ’em, you know the boss can’t yell:

“Hey! Let’s go! Let’s get back to work now!”


“Oh, oh, you raised your voice to me. You better watch your tone buddy. My dad’s a lawyer. He’ll sue your ass. I’ll *take* this company.”

Self-entitled pricks who think the world owes them a living. And now we’re getting the first wave of these douchebags. And, now…they grew up – and it’s fine if you grow up in this little snow-globe of a life, where everything is awesome, and everyone gets a participation trophy, and there’s no losers…

Rosen: And it’s always snowing.

Carolla: Well, when you get shaken up. And, everything’s awesome. But then you get out into the real world and you realize: “I’m a fuckin’ loser”. You’re *not* doin’ that well. You’re *not* makin’ that much money. There’s no more participation trophies. This is the fuckin’ L.A. Auto Show. You don’t get to sit around and go:

“Hey, here’s my piece of shit I worked on, everyone. Why aren’t you guys buying it?”

And then, instead of finding a fuckin’ mirror, and finding the reason why no one’s buying your car, you just want to run around and yell at everyone else who’s *selling* cars. And, now, you wanna take shit and throw it at the cars, ’cause you wanna fuck *their* cars up. ‘Cause *that’s* what’s goin’ on. It’s like, instead of lookin’ in the mirror and go, “Why the fuck am I not doin’ better?”, you just find some guy who’s got more shit than you and go “Hey man, what do you need all that shit for?” It’s the same version of:

“Hey man, what do you need an MVP trophy for?”.

“‘Cause I bust my ass. That’s why. Or maybe I’m just genetically better than you. Either way, buddy. I got the trophy, so shut the fuck up and get the fuck back to work, or better yet: on the bench, where you belong.”

This is what’s going on. So.

They’re feeling shame. They’ve been shamed by life, because they haven’t been *prepared* for life. They’ve been told…they’ve had so much smoke blown up their fucking collective asses, by the time they get out in the *real* world – and then realize the real world doesn’t give a fuck where you’re from, or what your mommy said you were, or how pretty you are, or what you do…they don’t give a fuck what anyone…and all of those lies that were told to you, to your parents, about how special you are, and how no one was created like you, and all this bullshit advertisements – Nike, and all this “There’s just one you”, and “You take it all”, and “It’s your world”, and all that Reebok shit – doesn’t mean shit when you get to the real world and you’re just looked at as peon number 27 who’s putting in an application and guess what?:

“I don’t like your attitude, douche. Fuck douche.”

Rosen: Ass douche.


“Ass douche. Get your fuckin’ feet off my desk and hit the bricks. I’m not hiring you.”

Then, now, *you’re* plan is to come back and throw a brick at my window. *That’s* your plan. This is what’s going on. It’s this envy and shame, and there’s gonna be a lot more of it, ’cause it *used* to be – back in the day – father’d be walkin’ his son down the sideblock and he’d see a guy go by in his Rolls Royce, and the father would say:

“There goes Mr. Jenkins. Look up to him. That guy works hard. That guy built a company. That guy built an empire. Now look at him. He’s got his Rolls Royce. He’s drivin’ up the hill.”

But what do we do *now*? Now it’s like:

“Oh, look at him. Look at him. Does he need that car? Why’s he need that car? I’m drivin’ a fuckin’ Chevette! Why’s *he* get to drive that fuckin’ car, you know? Let’s go up there and throw a rock at it.”

“That ain’t gonna help you get out of the Chevette, ass douche.”

Rosen: That’s right.

Carolla: “Get the fuck to work.” And, by the way: Parents! Society! We are creating a group of self-entitled monsters. Knock it off.

Rosen: Right. And, I’m wondering – all the parents that created this culture of ass douchery – were they…like, are they the ones who are feeling like “Well, I was never told I was special enough.” Are they overcompsensating for *their* childhood? ‘Cause now there’s been like sort of a few generations that are aware of Dr. Spock and aware that kids have special emotional needs and et cetera.

Carolla: We started, you know, we have these weird swings in raising kids, and they’re not very good. I mean, I grew up in the sort of 70’s, “just free to be me, you and me”, “Hey man, if he doesn’t want to learn to read he doesn’t have to learn to read”…yeah, just “run wild”, you know, “free range”, “do your own thing, man” – that whole hippee “do your own thing” – never fuckin’ panned out. And – the super self-esteem building, and just all this bullshit where we have to knock down a Christmas celebration and call it a “Holiday Celebration” so we don’t offend the one kid whose parents are litigious, or whatever – we fucked our society up royally; basically, take that one kid and empowered him, and we’ve gotta stop, ’cause that’s what all this is.

It used to be that you’d look – I’m not saying you took random rich guys and worshipped at their alter – but you took guys who built something, and you said “There’s a guy who’s accomplished something”, not “Well why isn’t he paying his fair share?”. I mean, when did that ever fuckin’ come about? “That guy paid-in millions of dollars last year. You paid in shit, and you’re pissed at *him*?”. Obviously it doesn’t make sense. Obviously it’s not a *rational* thought. It’s *shame* driven.

And – you want to extrapolate this – this is essentially what the terrorists do with us. They see us over here in our hot tubs, driving our big cars around, havin’ our parties, turnin’ on…

(“Bald”) Bryan Bishop: Big cars *with* hot tubs.

Carolla: Yeah! Stretch limos with hot tubs, or chicks lookin’ hot – fake boobies and bikinis and all that – and they’re like “Fuck it. Allah’s gonna take care of *these* guys.” And then Allah doesn’t take care of shit, and then *they* come down and blow our buildings up. It’s this weird…it’s not…we think it’s about religion, or we think it’s about, you know, cultures…it’s *one* culture can’t live next to another culture that’s thriving…

Rosen: Yeah.

Carolla: …without getting pissed-off, envious, resentful. You then get shamed. And, when you get shamed, there’s two things you can do with shame. You can be shamed and go “I better get my shit together”, or you can be shamed and go “I’m gonna tear that guy’s shit down”. And *that’s* where we’re at now. When you feel that shame, get your shit together. Leave my shit alone.

Rosen: Yeah, it’s like global sibling rivalry.

Carolla: Thank you. That’s what it is. It’s old. It’s as old as the bible.


2 Responses to “Full Transcript: Adam Carolla's Occupy Wall Street Rant”

  1. Jeremy on December 3rd, 2011 5:56 pm

    It’s from the November 18, 2011 podcast (with Troy Duffy).. It’s starts at 41:38. It took me a bit to find and hopefully this will make it easier for others.

  2. Paul McKeever on December 3rd, 2011 6:40 pm

    Thanks Jeremy! I’ve modified my blog post accordingly, giving credit where credit is due.

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