Epitaphs (Part 1)

January 17, 2020 by · Comments Off on Epitaphs (Part 1) 

1. Here lies Paul McKeever (there’s a first time for everything).

2. Here lies Paul McKeever. Somebody had to.

3. Please insert credit card here to speak with Paul McKeever. $295 for the first consultation. $350 per hour thereafter.

4. Here lies the former Paul McKeever. If you’re reading this, you waited too long.

5. Here lies Paul McKeever. Husband, father, philosopher, lawyer, documentarian, author, Past Master, leader of the Freedom Party of Ontario. Honest. Hardworking. Happy. You know: total asshole.

6. Paul McKeever. Nothing to see here, folks.

7. Farewell, Paul McKeever, King of the Arachnids. The body will decay, but your spirit lingers on.

8. Here lies Paul McKeever, Nigerian Prince. Died here with his $10.5M in gold bullion, 30′ down, when the walls caved in.

9. To commune with the spirit of Paul McKeever, visit, and search Books for “Paul McKeever”.

10. Here lies Paul McKeever. Now get out of this graveyard, you mopey bastard, and earn some happiness!